Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just invented taco cereal.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
