It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Please don't give away my fajitas
send nudes
from the living room?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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