i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
nutella sex= disaster
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
