i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Randomize
