Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
