i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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