You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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