come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
