I cannot find my penis.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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