It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
