Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I skipped work to stalk him.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize