They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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