I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
