someone threw a dead crab at me
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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