I wanna bring you to show and tell
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
