why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
