I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
