YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
