I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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