i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
be right there i have to get my cape
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
