You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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