dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
