I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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