At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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