im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
