i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
