i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
