Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
