Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize