this boner is exhausting
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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