I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
