she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
