News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
