What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
just tell him i said nine months
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
