this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
