Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
