i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
