My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
