Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
