who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
