I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
