The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
