Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
