Your face is a jimmy john
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
