at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
