What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
