he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
