I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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