He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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