It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize
