I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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