I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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