I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
