...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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