Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
