and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
