I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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