In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
