better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
