we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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