her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
