I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize