He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
