i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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