U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
