Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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