i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
