We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize