wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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