I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It's shark week go big or go home
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
