I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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