I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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