and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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