Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
