Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
