it wasn't lemon gatorade
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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