someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
