Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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