she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize