my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
