Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
