The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
