You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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