just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
