you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
