omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
