hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize