Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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