how can u be prego again
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
