You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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