Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Never underestimate the power of titties
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
