You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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