I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
