watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he fucked my hip out of place.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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