And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
