worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
