So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
