My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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