Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
