just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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