I am puke
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
