how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
