swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
