Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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