Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize