just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize